


Six Brides for Six Brothers

by AnonEhouse



Series: Starvation Sleep-Deprivation Stories [14]
Category: Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (1954), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Crack Treated Seriously, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Gen, Humor, courting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-25
Updated: 2015-03-25
Packaged: 2018-03-19 11:44:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3608859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Avenger has a big mountain to clear, and the headaches of dealing with his five brothers. But he never expected them to do anything so crazy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Six Brides for Six Brothers

**Author's Note:**

> (I love the 1954 7 Brides for 7 Brothers movie, the singing and dancing are awesome.)

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

 

Steve Avenger had been left in charge of clearing Hydra mountain (cut one limb, two more will sprout) by his father Nick because he was the oldest, and steadiest, of Nick's children. He could deal with the mountain. But also being in charge of his five brothers, well, that was a lot tougher proposition. It wasn't as if they were _bad_ , but they, well, they needed a lot more guidance than Steve felt he could manage.

In order from oldest to youngest, there was Thor, Bruce, Clint, Tony and Natasha. And before you say it, yes, Natasha. As a small child she got the idea that being called a girl was an insult, so Natasha was his brother, too.

Some days he felt that keeping them from killing each other was a great accomplishment. Other days when they were all gathered around the fireplace when Steve read Bible stories, raptly intent and the warm colors flickering over their scrubbed clean faces, he felt proud to be part of the family.

The day they went into town to stock up on winter supplies was somewhere in the middle. Tony and Clint had got into a snowball fight, for no particular reason, except that there was a drift on the north side of the barn, when they were supposed to be hitching the horses to the wagon. And of course Thor, and Bruce had to take sides until Natasha got on the roof and dumped straw all over them, which clung to their damp clothes. After everyone got changed, they were suitably apologetic and even a little subdued. 

When they got to town they split up, each with a long-established list of their own, to make sure they avoided the Peppermint binge of one year, or worse, the time no one remembered to get salt, and they had to go back again. It was a long ride through the mountain pass and he really didn't want to waste a whole day on shopping.

Steve returned to the wagon at the appointed hour to find all them excitedly gathered around a broadside pasted to the post office. Curious, Steve pushed past to look over Tony's head. "Huh. They're bringing in brides? Well, that's good for the town." Steve was pleased. He'd always felt the town hadn't enough women. Natasha got into fights all the time because some folks thought they could charm her. Natasha didn't do charm.

"For the town?" Tony said in an aggrieved voice. "What about us?"

"Well, the town sponsored them, so you can't expect them to allow us to do any courting," Steve said reasonably. "Besides, these are all city girls. They wouldn't be happy on our mountain."

Thor looked thunderous. "Our mountain is beautiful!"

"Well, yes, but we don't have any shops, or... or dance halls... or..." Steve really didn't know what city girls liked, but he was fairly sure their mountain wasn't it. They had an enormous house (plenty of wood, that's for sure) and everything _they_ needed, but what would these women expect? "Um, restaurants! City girls don't cook. Or clean. Or... you know, work."

All of Steve's brothers looked at him dubiously. "Clint and I cook," Bruce said. "And I clean very well!" Thor reminded them. "Really," Tony said, "we're not looking for _farmhands_ , just... a little company."

"Well, the town sent for them," Steve said with an air of 'that's that'. He climbed into the buckboard. "Everyone got their lists completed?"

They were quiet all the way back, which really should have warned Steve. But he wouldn't have imagined they'd be such idiots.

Everything got put away, and the horses taken care of before they went in to cook supper and then listen to a Bible reading. Steve read the Rape of the Sabines because that's where the bookmark was, and then they all went to bed.

A week went by and Steve decided to take another crack at the Red Skull (a poison sumac with a boll the shape of a skull, if you squinted at it right). He kept cutting it down and it kept regrowing, but he was thinking this time he would split the stump and pour salt in it. Maybe read a few prayers over it. He told the others where he was going and not to expect him back before supper.

 

"WHAT THE SAM HILL IS GOING ON?" Steve said when he returned, hot and sticky, bare-chested with his shirt crumpled over his shoulder to provide a rest for the oak log he was planning to cut for the fireplace. There were two wagons in front of the house, theirs, and one he'd never seen before. The strange wagon was full of screaming women, and his brothers were trying to get the women out of it.

No one listened to him. To be fair, they probably couldn't hear him. "DAMNIT," Steve roared, gripping the log between his fingers and ripping it apart by sheer strength, tossing the pieces of age-hardened oak to the ground. Everyone stared at him and everything went silent, bar the horses restlessly shifting in the harness.

"Um," Tony said while trying to disentangle his hair from the grip of a furious strawberry blonde. "We just... you know. The Bible."

"Yes," Thor put in from the other side of the wagon where he was trying to protect his groin from an equally angry tiny brunette. "The Sabine women."

"That wasn't a How-to Lesson!" Steve snapped. He glared at his brothers. "I am so ashamed of you all, I have no words."

"We thought we'd just show them how beautiful the mountain is," Clint said, letting go of the woman he was holding. "What a great house. You know?"

Bruce shifted uneasily. "It wasn't a very good idea, was it?" The woman he was holding glared at him.

Steve narrowed his eyes. He looked closer at the wagon. "WHAT are you doing to that man, Natasha?" he snapped.

She was kneeling in the bed of the wagon, with an unconscious man's head lying on her lap. The man was wearing a well worn Rebel uniform, with the empty left sleeve pinned up. "I just... he was fighting!" She looked down at him in admiration. "And he's really pretty."

"So you knocked him unconscious and dragged him home. In what world does any of this make any sense?" 

"I was careful. He'll be fine." And as if to confirm her words the man groaned and opened his eyes. He sat up and held his head. "What is wrong with you people?"

"I'm glad you're feeling better, Mister," Steve said. "I'd apologize for my brothers, but that's gonna take forever. How about I just turn this wagon around and take you back to town?"

The oldest, but by no means _old_ , woman sitting in the buckboard seat, nodded. "Yes. Shall we do this?" She had a British accent and for some reason that made Steve blush. Also, she was staring at his chest.

Steve got into the driver's side and clucked to the horses, turning them. His brothers all piled hastily out of the wagon. He glared at them, but didn't say anything. He was spitting mad, and he'd already cussed in front of the women, he didn't need to be more rude.

As they approached the pass, Steve said, awkwardly, to the woman beside him, "I can't say anything in my brothers' defense, but I want you to know that if you send the sheriff, I'll make sure they go peaceable like."

The woman stared into his eyes for a moment, and then laid her hand lightly on his arm. "And then you'd have to work the mountain on your own?"

Steve firmed up his jaw. "It's my fault, anyway. I'm the oldest, I should have taught them better."

"My name is Peggy. Peggy Carter," she said.

Steve couldn't understand why that was her reply, but then, what he knew about women wasn't much. "Um, I'm Steve Avenger. We're all, I mean, we're the Avenger family."

Peggy looked at the girls and the man in the wagon. "No one was really hurt. I don't think we need to report anything."

Steve smiled. "Thank you, that's very forgiving of you, ma'am."

"Call me Peggy." And Peggy snuggled close against Steve's side. She must be really cold, because he was sweaty.

 

"Aw, no," Steve said when they reached the narrowest part of the pass, only to find it full of snow. He sighed. "They yelled, didn't they?"

"I'm afraid so," Peggy said. "Is there another way around?" She didn't sound overly concerned.

"Unfortunately not. When the pass is blocked the only thing to do is wait for spring thaw. I'm really, really sorry, but we're going to have to go back to the house." He got out of the wagon and guided the horses around. "Don't worry, I'll make sure you're not bothered."

 

When Steve stopped the wagon in front of the house, all the brothers were lined up, hang-dog and silent. Under other circumstances Steve would have just given them a punishment and forgot it, but this time they hadn't been squabbling among themselves. He got down from the wagon and cleared his throat. "Since you choose to behave like animals, you'll live like them. I'm taking our _guests_ into the kitchen to warm up. You are each going to clean your rooms spotlessly so every one of these fine people will have a decent place to rest. You'll take your junk with you to the barn, where you're going to live until the pass is open and our _guests_ can return to town." Then Steve turned and helped Peggy down. He helped down each of the women, glaring when his brothers stirred as if to help. The one-armed man got down by himself. "Take care of the horses and wagon," Steve added. "They're not ours."

Tony blurted out, "Yes, they are, we left more than enough money to pay for them."

"You can't buy everything, Tony. Now, just do as I say." Steve led the women and the one-armed man, into the kitchen and put several of the huge copper kettles on to boil while they all introduced themselves. "We have several kinds of tea, as well as coffee," he said. "Bruce likes tea."

"It's very warm in here," the thin strawberry blonde, Pepper, said.

"Oh, yes, Tony makes glass. He double-glazed all the windows. And made that." Steve pointed at the glittering glass drop chandelier in the center of the kitchen. The glass was backed with silver, so it reflected all the light of the candles set in it.

"Oh." Pepper said, looking up at the chandelier with considering eyes.

"Well, you know, the winter is long, so we all have hobbies. Clint hunts- I don't know how he does it, but he gets the best pelts every year." He pointed out a blanket made of woven fox fur in smoky shades of gray, folded on top of a wooden chest. Everyone dutifully turned to look at it. Steve felt a little awkward as if he was bragging, but it's true, when he wasn't wanting to kill his brothers he was very proud of them. They worked hard in between the times they acted like idiots.

"Bruce made this bread," Steve said, laying down a platter of rolls, still warm from being stored in the warming shelf. "The butter came from Thor's goats."

"They give milk in the winter?" Jane asked even as she slathered a roll with butter. 

"Well, they do for Thor." Steve was glad to see they were beginning to relax. "He shares the forge with Tony, and they do ironwork. Bruce doesn't do much beyond cook, weave baskets and braid the glass beads Tony makes into jewelry. Oh, and the herb garden is his, too."

Betty looked thoughtful.

The one-armed man cleared his throat. "What about Natasha?"

"She sometimes borrows the forge to make knives." Steve thought a moment. "And she carves gunstocks. She killed a lobo wolf bare-handed. She said she strangled it with her thighs, but Natasha has a romantic streak, so I'm not sure that actually happened." Steve thought about it. "The pelt didn't have any wounds, so maybe she did." Bucky stared at Steve, open mouthed.

After they ate a venison stew with potatoes, carrots and herbs, Steve led them to the sleeping quarters upstairs. The heat rises, so they always banked the fires at night, and stayed on the upper floor. "And...oh, for heaven's sake." Each of the brothers had put a name on their door. Tony's had 'Pepper', Clint's was 'Laura', Bruce was 'Betty', Thor was 'Jane' and Natasha had 'Bucky' on it. 

"That's all right," Peggy said. "Which room is mine?" 

"Well, I thought you could have the one next to mine. It should be in good order, we keep it for guests." He smiled ruefully. "We just haven't had any."

"This door?" Peggy said, tugging on a white glass knob.

"Oh, no, that's the toilet and bath," Steve replied. "We were thinking of putting in another one, come spring when the ground thaws and we can lay the pipes."

Everyone gathered around to stare at the shining porcelain fixtures. Peggy turned the faucet, and steaming water spilled out. "I still don't know how Tony and Thor worked that," Steve confessed.

"That's... that's quite all right," Peggy said as she turned the faucet shut. She smiled at Steve.

 

In spring they went into town and had a six-fold wedding ceremony. No shotguns required.


End file.
